I am trying to cook again. I used to be amazing. For a year my husband and I moved to the woods, had a garden (indoor and out), cooked everything from scratch, lived so clean. It was an incredible learning experience; we lived without power for 2 weeks during the winter, survived hurricane Sandy, and 5 emergency runs to the hospital over an hour away. Turns out the the wonderful cabin in the woods had some mold.
Yesterday, I found an awesome recipe for pasta sauce. Fresh basil, garlic, puréed tomatoes and capers rounded off a list of ingredients that made my mouth water. I had every intention of making the whole thing start to finish, but the call of the can was just too damn strong.
Right now, I am still in a sleep shirt, watching reality tv, while Arden naps in my arms and dinner cooks in the crock pot.
Should I feel bad? Maybe. But right now I don’t. Should I be learning a language to teach my child? Probably. But right now, Tim Gunn is just so comforting. Am I going to be the parent who’s child’s first words are “make it work”? At least it’s better than my original fear of it being di** or f***.
Three months into this parenting thing, I am, in some ways, the woman I want my daughter to become, but in many more ways I am not. Somedays, I will drive myself crazy obsessing over my failings and end up painting pastel a bunch of s*** to make my life look better….but it won’t be today. Today I refuse to be that beautiful cabin in the woods, decaying underneath. I acknowledge the fact that I have room to improve.
One day I will be back to cooking from scratch while speaking French to Arden and wearing Christian Siriano.
Today I am visible mold. I’m canned spaghetti sauce, trash tv, and pjs.
Heart On Her Sleeve Publications 