Warm pearls slide down my breast
my needing, kneading, needy little one.
Warm pearls slide down my breast
my needing, kneading, needy little one.
My daughter is finally big enough to fit into the cloth diapers we have for her. I have to say I really have the perfect baby for cloth diapers as she is not a prolific pooper. In fact, it is more of an every other day or once a day situation with her. However, this week, the week we choose to try cloth diapering, something seems to have changed.
The universe, my daughter’s adorable little butt, and 3 insane bowl movements later…I am a little less excited than I was 24 hours ago.
The look on her face, as I quickly snapped a picture of her, after the first ill fated diapering attempt…the look on her face says it all….
….She knew before I did.
One of the many benefits of winter storm Jonas was the fact that my husband was home for an extended stay. With him there, I got to cook, clean, shower, relax, and watch tv. He always makes sure I relax, which both drives me crazy and fills my heart with his love and care.
Tapenade is one of mine and my husband’s favorite snacks and right now I am always looking for a high protein snack to help keep up with nursing. Tapenade is a dip that is made of olives, nuts, herbs, garlic, capers, and a sweet element like a roasted red pepper, date, etc. All the ingredients are minced or pureed to create this delicious, high protein snack. I strapped Arden into the baby carrier and away we went.
Disclaimer** I am not a doctor. This is just my story of how I managed my disease during pregnancy with the help of a plan developed specifically for me with a LLMD. This should not be used as protocol for anyone else; I am sharing it to share the hope of a Lyme FREE child!
MTHFR Gene Mutation is SIGNIFICANT to pregnancy as regular Folic Acid can cause embolisms in women with this gene mutation. It is incredibly common, especially in those with chronic illnesses. Wellness Mama, does a great job explaining this mutation, its significance, treatment, etc. at her blog, here.
I was prescribed several more supplements but these were the only ones I could keep down. I am guessing because they were primarily soluble.
These were a daily (normally 2-4 times daily) occurrence. For me, my flares appear in the form of simultaneous projectile vomiting and diarrhea, muscle spasms, intense anxiety, muscle weakness, and migraines. Coupling this with morning sickness made it almost impossible to eat food, take meds, or function. This is why I lost over 50lbs through out the course of my pregnancy.
After she was born, the nurse and midwife collected placenta samples as well as cord blood samples. These were sent to IGeneX Lab . The test kit had been previously ordered through my LLMD and I kept it on hand with me throughout the whole pregnancy. Originally I had been told to expect 6-8 weeks for an answer but 22 DAYS after she was born, I got a call at 3 minutes till noon telling me that my sweet baby girl was LYME FREE! It was the second best day of my life.
I share this because I know the fear I had when I found out what Lyme could mean for my dreams of becoming a mother. I searched high and low for successful pregnancies. I was desperate for info, I was desperate for a child, I was desperate for hope. Please feel free to reach out with questions, share your own stories, etc. Understand as new mother, I may not be the quickest in getting back to you. But the hope, there is hope.
My Lyme free daughter will be 15 weeks old tomorrow and will be 15 weeks since I experienced 4 blood transfusions that have left me feeling completely symptom free. I am baffled, excited, and hopeful. The CDC even suggests dialysis and blood and exchange transfusions for severe Babesiosis patients. Blood work is still coming in, my LLMD is still working on me, but something has changed and healing has begun. I am excited to share my journey with you.
I am a big fan of taking one easy recipe and making leftovers into a completely different and equally easy new dish. As a mother of a 14 week old, returning to the work force, I don’t have time for fancy and I don’t have time for gross.
Earlier this week we had roast chicken and baked potatoes which is one of the EASIEST meals on earth to make! You need one roast pan, a chicken, some herbs, some oil,some butter and away you go. Find the recipe I use here.
When we are done with the chicken, I always remove the extra meat and make stock out of what is left, but as I started this process yesterday, I remembered an easy recipe I had saved weeks ago for Chicken Parmesan Soup. This recipe from Delish.com is as easy as it is delicious.
It was even better today than it was yesterday and we still have a TON of leftovers.
I am no angel but lately I have been asking myself a lot about the American parent dichotomy. This “perfect on the outside, shit on the inside” facade that we are all barely holding together.Where are my truthers?
Where are my unknown friends who have sat sobbing on the kitchen floor at midnight, with dinner burnt, your boobs hanging out, and your baby screaming?
Where are the women who forgot for 6 or more weeks what it was like to live with sex, sleep, and any rationale control of your hormones?
Where are the woman who love their children fiercely, but occasionally have thought “could I give you back for an hour?”
Where are these truthers hiding? I can’t hear you among the pleas of my peers for acceptance, approval.
14 weeks of parenting has afforded me very little time behind this maniacal wheel, but what I do know is that “you know nothing.”
Jon Snow be damned, I am giving it my best shot.
As I sit here, snowed in by Jonas, mounds of laundry piling up, struggling to breast feed and hoping the snow lasts till June so I never have to leave, I am reminded of the times I do get right. Half of them are by chance while the other half is hard work. Regardless, the triumph of these moments is all the greater because of the shitty odds of the battle going in, and the masterful f***-ups that somehow got you here.
Truth: I feel like I do more work than my husband.
Truth: he feels like he does more work than me.
Truth: we both are often working to what feels like our limits and sleep is not what it used to be.
Truth: today I own my my duality. I am a good parent. I am a bad parent.
P.s. Nap-time, you are a cock tease. I am beginning to loathe you as much as those perfect princesses with their Einstein infants, Martha Stewart magic, and white girl angst.
My Unchecked baggage,
I don’t understand it;
Not ever I can.
We all judge
Have you ever?
Last Friday night I got drunk. I didn’t mean to.
I meant to have 2 glasses of wine.
I forgot Zoloft interacted with alcohol.
More than 6 weeks after being prescribed a very low dose, I had finally started it, much to my husband’s relief.
Saturday morning as he recounted the night before (and a pump and dump incident 😂), I am not sure he would say the same thing.
Almost three weeks in, I have no blow ups. I am struggling at times still but I have been able to acknowledge my weakness and even live in the moment some. It has been a groundbreaking three weeks.
Here is to 2016.
After giving birth to my daughter, I experienced a hemorrhage that, unfortunately, has left my milk supply a little on the low side.
I was supposed to go back to work this week but Martin Luther King Jr., winter storm Jonas, and forgotten doctors appointments have conspired against me … or for me as the case may be.
Tuesday morning, she almost said “mama” and that was supposed to be my first day back.
My dad, generously, had promised to be here to spend the whole day with her on my first day, so that I didn’t have to take her to day care AND be away for 8 hours simultaneously.
I am lucky. She would have been with my dad.
But, instead, she was with me when she tried to form the word over and over again, not quite able to force the sound out from behind those perfect pursed lips.
I am TRULY lucky.
The money I could have earned that day would have been AMAZING, especially considering our refrigerator chose this week to stop working, but the reward of seeing her try to form her first words was worth more.
Today I am thankful for coolers, back up refrigerators, neighbors, slow cookers, first words, living in the moment and snow days.
Currently listening to Jon Bellion “ooh” courtesy of my amazing little brother who is teaching me to follow my dreams.